_{^{~Groovin' With Soccamom~}}

I haven't been back to BSU since I graduation. Actually since before graduation due to the fact that I skipped the pomp and circumstance. Just receiving that valued piece of parchment in the mail was enough for me. I didn't want to sit thru thousands of names being read or however the ceremony is performed. I just wanted to be done.

As the years crept by, I often entertained the thought of revisiting the campus perhaps during Homecoming which is the traditional time to return, but more and more I thought about going back during Rush. That was always a fun time even if it was a little stressful but I was getting the impression that my chapter needed some recruiting help. More and more, I found myself wanting to see the suite one more time yet not really taking many steps to fulfill that urge. Then this past weekend I received the dreaded letter that I knew was inevitable. My chapter was being de-activated on campus.

As I stated, I wasn't an exemplary alumnae, but somehow this news rather blindsided me. Knowing the suite was there, knowing there were girls there on campus with whom I had a connection, however tenuous, was somehow comforting to me.

With this news I find myself reflecting on various other losses I've endured. My grandparents, their dog Samantha with whom I was nearly inseperable during my childhood. I find it intriguing that although I was so close with Grandma, I find myself missing Grandpa so much more acutely.

I think Grandma and I were so close that we really had no unresolved issues between us. We were of a mind and on the same wavelenght. We were the best of friends and yet not really friends at all...we were more...we were in tune.

Grandpa was always there in the periphery. The solid figure off to the side or in the background. My rock. My foundation. My anchor. In a time when male figures drifted in and out of my life for better and for worse, Grandpa was always there. Perhaps not actively needed but always needed.

I dont in any way mean to compare the depth of my feelings for my dear Grandparents with the deactivation of my sorority chapter. One just seemed to trigger thoughts of the other. Even after these many years, I find strength in their presence. Just being able to conjure their image in my mind is comforting and settling like being wrapped in a warm blanket of safety. A fall back of sorts. When I find myself adrift in that great sea of unrest, their spirit is a haven in which I seek refuge for a small time to rejeuvenate and rearm myself for the next cruise.

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